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One man's account of being harassed by an internet date who he claims "sexted" him: " - tripleyou - 09-26-2023
One man's account of being harassed by an internet date who he claims "sexted" him: "It made me feel like my life was ruined."
September 25th, 2023
After falling prey to sextortion, he discovered nothing but heartache where he had expected to find love.
It's not Andrew's real name, but he met a woman on the dating site OkCupid who tried to con him out of money.
Andrew stated, "We chatted for a while and developed intimacy, which led her to extort me for money and she even threatened to spread our videos to my friends and family via social media."
I remember being terrified and having panic attacks after that happened, and she was always sending me threatening messages.
He said, "At that moment, I felt like my life was ruined," adding that he decided suicide was the only option.
Today (September 25) was the first day of the three-day Online Harms Symposium, when lawyers, educators, and other industry participants discussed subjects like harassment, cyberbullying, and cancel culture. This Singaporean shared his experience through an audio recording at the session.
The dates for this SMU-hosted conference are September 25-27.
Attacks of Panic
Andrew revealed through the non-profit SG Her Empowerment (SHE) that he has lost confidence and is more self-conscious in public since being sextorted.
Immediately following his scamming experience, he had negative emotions to anything that even vaguely related to sextortion.
He said that his mental health had deteriorated to the point where he "couldn't think straight" and that even the act of utilising social media was enough to set off his anxiousness.
Random panic attacks disrupted Andrew's productivity since he needed time to calm down before returning to work.
The definition of "hopeless"
But Andrew did make some attempts to apprehend the perpetrator on his own.
He disclosed that he had submitted recordings of his discussions with the woman to authorities on the same day that the blackmailing had begun.
After consulting with his SHE pal, he decided to delete his Instagram account and block the scammer.
He recalled that he had sent his 'date' some money after sensing a discordant vibe from their previous conversations.
To "see where the account is and all that," he continued, "I actually gave a bit of money." In reality, it came from another country.
"At that point, I realised it was pretty much a hopeless situation," he said.
"Improve yourself and deal with it"
He called the police because he was "desperately hoping" they could assist him. The authorities were unable to help because the matter involved multiple countries.
Andrew has accepted what happened because to the counselling he received from SHE.
People will undoubtedly criticise me about why I fell for this or that scam, but the only thing I can do is be better and just accept it after realising that the situation has already occurred and that there is nothing I can do about it.
But just because Andrew has accepted the situation doesn't imply it's improved.
"Even though it's been months and I've been able to get past it... Knowing that my attackers still have my films is a constant source of worry for me.
Even in the distant future, anything is possible.
Shanmugam argues that more laws are needed to give victims more agency.
Singapore's Minister of Law and Home Affairs K. Shanmugam used "sobering" and "reality check" survey results about the amount of exposure the ordinary Singaporean gets to dangerous online content to open his remarks at the symposium.
About three-fifths of respondents in a September study by SHE had experienced or known someone who had experienced internet damages.
This was especially true of younger demographics, and particularly women.
Young people's mental health cannot be allowed to decline through multiple generations. Confidence destroyed, scarred, victimised, bullied," the minister remarked.
Given the dynamic nature of the Internet (e.g., the proliferation of AI-generated deepfakes), he argued that certain of the current laws in this country, such as the Protection from Harassment Act (POHA), may not be adequate to cover online harms.
"For some time now, we have believed that there needs to be further laws to empower victims of online harms to take action, protect themselves," said Shanmugam.
He was hopeful that the conference would be a venue for exploring topics outside law enforcement and regulation, specifically the rights of persons and the means by which they might be protected.
The role of the state in resolving these problems and safeguarding society is not central to the discussion at hand. The onus is on people to identify the risks they confront and the rights they deserve while interacting with the internet.
Asking, "What rights do individuals have to deal with the impact of these negative consequences, and how can we better empower and protect individuals?"